You're so nebulous sometimes
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
bring money and cleavage
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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