I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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