i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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