That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
