I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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