i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjob tips. give me some.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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