Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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