woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
