i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
