plz talk dirty to me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
40s are totally the cure
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
