He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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