Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We named our party play list daddy issues
he was CRYING into my vagina
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
