fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
