sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
