I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
