i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
