You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
