i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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