it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
