i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
