Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You were trust falling into bushes
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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