Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Quick, to the slutcave!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
