Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
