I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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