Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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