I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
