i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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