If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
The struggles of a small town man whore
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have post one night stand depression
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
