All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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