so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
