kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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