It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
