If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
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I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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