Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
