I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
