how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
