And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
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You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
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He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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