So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
