I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
