sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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