I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
