my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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