yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
