She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
