My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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