The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
