Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
