if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
