You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
