The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
