well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
well most of my day revolves around power hour
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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