i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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