I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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