If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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