I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
