I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
