she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
