One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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