You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
