You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
