More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
