Jerry, you need to find god
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
