Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
