i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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