Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
