I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
