Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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