You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
