My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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