i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
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Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
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Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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