It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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