If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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