I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
